Listen, Learn, Love and Live

Today, at the American Association for Suicidology conference, I heard from people who have attempted suicide about their experiences and how folks can best support the journey of recovery. The advice they gave on how to support someone who has attempted suicide was to “listen, learn, love and live.”

Listen

Too often we are busy thinking about what we want to say, rather than listening. But listening is one of the best things you can do for someone who has attempted suicide. In your listening, be honest and open with them and with yourself. Part of that is, if you say “you can call me anytime,” make sure your phone is on and you’re able to be there any time.

Learn

Learn what helps the person by listening and asking them “how can I help?” Then, support them in the way(s) that best help them. Learn what services and supports are available in your community so you can encourage the person to seek help and support (and you can seek help and support for yourself if you need it).

Love

The panelists who had attempted suicide shared the value of love in supporting someone who is at risk. Their advice: express care and concern for the person who has attempted suicide. Be brave and confront stigma and your own misunderstandings about suicide (part of that learning aspect). Take care of yourself, too. Know your own limitations and honor them – don’t take on more than you can handle emotionally or mentally.

Live

This was a surprising point made by the panelists, who warned against making supporting someone who has attempted suicide the central part of your life. It’s understandable that we would want to make the safety and health of someone we love the most important thing in our lives – but that turns out not to be helpful to the person who has attempted suicide. Living and sharing our own lives is an important way of supporting someone who has attempted suicide.

We can support a friend or loved one after an attempt. We can help them on their journey of recovery, if we are brave and honest in our efforts.

And if you are someone who has attempted suicide, know that you are courageous and strong. And on days when you feel hopeless and alone, know that there are people – many of whom have walked the same road you are on — who want to support and care for you.

Your life matters.

If you are interested in finding or providing support for yourself or someone who has attempted suicide, there are some resources available. While there are not formal support groups for attempt survivors in Alaska, the Peer Support Consortium can help you find a peer support organization in your community. NAMI has chapters in communities in Alaska. If you know about other resources, or are interested in developing supports in your community, email kate.burkhart@alaska.gov.